APRIL 2024
In an audacious move that has left the rest of NSW and indeed, Australia, bemused and befuddled, the Central Coast region has initiated the first constitutional steps towards declaring itself an autonomous Royal protectorate, to be henceforth known as the Kingdom of Koalia.
The bold proposition comes on the heels of the region being under the administrative thumb of the NSW State Government for five of the last eight years, a situation that has apparently left residents yearning for self-rule and, quite possibly, a touch of royal flair.
The Secret Society and the Royal Dream
At the heart of this unprecedented bid for autonomy is a clandestine group, known only as the “Koalition for Koalia”, which has been orchestrating the move from the shadows.
Their proposal is nothing short of revolutionary: to appoint a King or Queen of Koalia through popular vote, to rule for a decade before a pivotal decision is made to either transition to a republic or cement the monarchy permanently.
A Realm of Tax Havens and Toll Roads
Koalia’s economic blueprint is as unconventional as its political aspirations.
The would-be kingdom plans to halve the tax rate for its citizens, a tempting proposition that has already caused a stir among tax-burdened Australians outside its proposed borders.
The shortfall, the Koalition assures, will be compensated by levying user charges on roads and beaches for non-citizens, turning everyday commutes and leisurely beach visits into royal revenue streams.
International Relations and the Koalian Koala
Despite its lofty ambitions of sovereignty, Koalia intends to maintain a cooperative stance with Australia, advocating for free trade and presumably, friendly neighbourly relations.
The iconic koala, long a symbol of Australian wildlife, is set to become the emblem of Koalia, enjoying full protection under its constitution.
This move not only endears the proposed kingdom to environmentalists but also cleverly capitalises on the global affection for the cuddly marsupials.
The Referendum: A Royal Decision in the Making
The climax of this royal saga is set for this year’s council elections in September, where a referendum will be held to ratify the audacious proposal.
The citizens of the Central Coast will be faced with a decision that could alter the course of their region’s history: to step into the annals of time as the founders of the Kingdom of Koalia or to remain a cherished part of NSW and Australia.
In an era of political predictability, the Central Coast’s flirtation with monarchy and autonomy is a breath of fresh, albeit regal, air.
Whether the Kingdom of Koalia will rise to become a rising star of self-rule and koala conservation or remain a whimsical April Fools’ fantasy is a tale yet to unfold.
But for now, the prospect of crowning the first monarch of Koalia has certainly provided a royal twist to the Central Coast narrative.
Excellent proposal.